The Big Change - A lid for every pot

Joseph Smith | 27 March 2007

Font size: + - | print | email to a friend

My husband, Graham, went to be with the Lord 12 months ago. His death ended a delightful and exciting 14 years of marriage.

I want to share the beautiful story of how my husband and I met. Perhaps it will give hope to people who love God and won’t settle for anything less than God’s choice in the matter of remarriage. I hope it will encourage those who feel that the quest seems impossible.

Some churches appear very prohibitive when it comes to romantic relationships. I was in a church that had a congregation of 3000 with lots of potential ‘friends’ drifting around. However, fear of the hierarchy or of what others might say is often a deterrent to most people pursuing relationships in church fellowship.

One lady made me laugh when she told me she had put a sign on the church noticeboard advertising that she was seeking a relationship. It stayed there for three weeks until it was torn down. She was hauled up before some authority figure and given a good dressing-down. I think it was a rather autocratic church and under the circumstances, a brave thing for her to do.
Another elderly friend said to me, “There’s a lid for every pot, love”. That expression became the catchcry for my search. I would find my lid.

One day I prayed and asked God about my desire to meet a special someone. “Lord, could you take a hand in this please? If you don’t help me with this, I could end up at the bottom of the Torrens River.”

I told my friend Joyce what I planned. “Promise me you won’t do that, Sally,” she said. I held her gaze, grinned and said, “No Joyce, I’m not promising anything.”

So what did I do? I placed an advertisement seeking a Christian male friend for outings and company. I received 18 answers and met some interesting gentlemen. However, as each asked the proverbial question, “Will I do?” my answer was a very definite “No!”

“I live and breathe Jesus every waking moment. It would drive you mad,” I told one keen bloke who was very nice but didn’t know the Lord. What surprised me most about the answers I received was that none of these gentlemen had any Christian understanding at all and yet they answered my advertisement.

Then, three weeks later, another letter arrived at the newspaper’s office for me. We arranged to meet in Adelaide Botanical Gardens. It was a fascinating moment when my future husband and I met. Graham was a very charming Welshman with beautiful manners. We spent the whole afternoon walking and catching up on two separate lifetimes. Our conversation always came back to Jesus. What common ground! I had found my lid.

Nine days later he proposed. “What would you say if I asked you to marry me?” he said. “I would say ‘What took you so long?’” I replied. We laughed. He took me in his arms for a long lingering kiss and we began to make plans like a couple of 18-year-olds. We were married at the Sunday morning church service in his church at Seaton, Adelaide, less than four months after we met. A giggly Joyce and her husband were there and they agreed that my new husband was just perfect.

Graham was full of vision and excitement about life with Jesus. After one year of marriage, Graham left Engineering Project Management and began to study for ministry, ultimately serving as a lay pastor in parish ministry with the Uniting Church of Australia (UCA) on the Eyre Peninsula, Loxton, then at Gunnedah and later at Berry.

After 10 years of marriage, Graham was diagnosed with cancer. He retired, went into remission, returned to ministry then retired again. He resigned from the UCA to join the Anglican Church, where we worshipped together.

Twelve months ago, after a marriage of 14 years and 6 days, my beautiful Welshman went to be with his Saviour.

My church, St Stephen’s, Bomaderry has been magnificent in their patience with me. I almost lived at my church, but I was very little use. I cried a lot and was a great emotional drain on my friends. My emotions were everywhere. I wanted to know what God said about grieving in every step I was going through. The death of a spouse impacts as a terrific shock on the body. Anti-depressants only made me more depressed. I was going through deep valleys. Life was not fun.

I took communion at every opportunity, because it seemed terribly important to me, and church friends gave me lots of needed hugs. Without Jesus how could a person possibly endure this sightless search for ‘holy peace’? When that peace comes, so quietly and gradually, you know it’s only the prayer support of your church and your friends who have upheld you and got you through. I am very indebted to this amazingly tough and resilient church.

One day, the Holy Spirit revealed Romans 5:1-5 to me. Through this scripture I came to realise my faith was rock solid and unshakable. It’s just that my body needed to cry and grieve occasionally. This understanding pulled me through to where I am today.

I value my wonderful Lord and his benevolent love. Putting that advertisement in the paper was as big a surprise to me as it was to Graham and our families. I cannot help wondering about this strange and innovative God we serve. I don’t know the answers to all the questions but the memory of what I did and the outcome of it will never cease to put a smile on my face.

My church involvement gives me joy. I am a librarian for the church library, I write book reviews and catalogue sermon CDs. I teach scripture, prepare communion and am a prayer intercessor. I write and illustrate children’s stories for use in Christian children’s work and enjoy playing the harmonica.

Grieving is one thing but readjusting is another. I think I am entering that phase now with some interest, hopefulness and even, dare I say it, joy.

Click here to comment on this article for the next edition of Southern Cross