AUDIO
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Phillip Jensen speaks on Anger as part of a series on emotions in the Christian life, delivered at the Australia Day Convention 2010
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There is a problem in congregational life that I have spent the last twenty years trying to solve.
It is: “How can we organise things so that husbands and wives with kids can be actively involved in Bible study together?”
It is a real problem because:
• fairly shortly after children arrive husbands and wives are separated in Bible study- the wife may go to one group and her husband another, but never together as someone has to be home to look after the kids, and you just get used to ministering in separate fields
• it is easy for one member of the marriage to just withdraw from Bible study while the other continues. In our minds we think “this is just while the kids are young”, but I have seen that once removed from regular small group meeting, it is very hard to get re-involved later on.
Some solutions
As I have asked people about how they solve this problem a number of solutions have been suggested.
1. Make it different each week. So for example: week 1 of the month the wives gather; week 2 the husbands gather; week 3 everyone gets baby sitters and both attend Bible study; week 4 the couples come with their kids and the hosts organise baby sitters at their home; and if there is a fifth week it is dinner together. This is difficult to keep going over a long period of time, but has the advantage of the couple ministering to the same couples.
2. Run Bible study after morning church for families, where a light meal is served to the kids and parents and the children are cared for with a minimum of fuss in front of a movie. Many families find this hard to keep up for an extended period as the kids get tired, bored and grumpy after a long morning, and many extended family activities are scheduled at Sunday lunch time.
3. Just realise that it is impossible to achieve and make good husbands only and wives only Bible studies.
4. Have a regular baby sitter look after the children while the parents attend Bible study. This seems to work quite well in rural and regional areas but has limited success in Sydney.
5. Arrange it so that the Bible study meets in the home of a couple, so at least one couple can attend a Bible study together.
An attractive option
Many of our ministries are segmented by such things as age, stage of life, gender and ethnic background. This is bemoaned by many, but it is a reality of relationships.
My suggestion is that rather than attempting to create a uniform group we recognise that different groups have different needs, yet each group also explores how it can serve other groups in the congregational life. So I would ask evening church members to man the Sunday School for the morning church, and ask the morning church families to open up their homes to host a Bible study group for evening church.
So in order to help couples serve in Bible study together we could:
• ask childless people from another segment of church to be regular baby sitters. Have them join the couple for dinner and so share the lives of the family, and allow the couple to be involved in Bible study.
• have families host Bible study for childless people and one member of a couple who can be freed up to be out at night. This will not solve the problem for every couple, but will allow more to be involved together.
Going down paths such as this will help the natural divide that occurs across the different stages of life.
The separate Men's and Women's bible study is not a problem. In fact, it gives certain advantages.
I think we also need to get beyond the once on Sunday thing and be seeking for our members to come at least twice on Sunday. As preachers, we then need to provide at least two different preaching streams so that evening is not just a re-run of morning.
In Christ
Matt
My husband and I with 3 kids under 7 have gone from hosting bible studies to never going. It all got too hard plus we serve in other church activities such as Sunday School and morning tea etc...
I do miss it and the going separately hasn't worked well for us either as we do some much separately already with a demanding job. I much prefer going to a mixed bible study rather than a men or women only for a number of reasons, one being you stick to theology/bible rather than how to be a good mother/wife/woman. I want to learn about Jesus and learning with the one whom God has joined me to (ie my husband!) is nice.
I think your suggestion of
"ask childless people from another segment of church to be regular baby sitters. Have them join the couple for dinner and so share the lives of the family, and allow the couple to be involved in Bible study."
is wonderful.
We (us all in the community) use/share/connect with our extended family less and less as time has gone on. Our connection with older people (grown-up children) in our congregation has resulted in some lovely frendships. We're from a regional church without as much separation between ministires and this age range connection is one of the greatest benefits from this.
Our church friends often babysit for dinners etc, asking them to help us get to regular a bible study is something I will talk to them about.
Another issue on this topic: We need to recognize that a small group leader is not the same as a little rector, or paid ministry worker. Yes we want theologically astute, godly and faithful people leading our groups- but not create so many hoops to jump through that we scare excellent faithful, godly people off through sheer intimidation and meritocratic requirements that stifle a natural desire they have to lead and participate richly in church life.
We ate dinner with each other monthly, and each adult took a turn at leading. I think we grew in our understanding and faith. Part of its 'success', was that we 'invested' time in each other's lives that extended outside of the Sunday service, or the Friday group. Our children were of similar ages, so that helped, as it meant we had similar issues in our lives that we could share and assist with.
We have been living in Victoria for 13 years now, but when whenever we meet up with those folk for our kids weddings or holidays etc, its like we've never have been away. The bond of fellowship & our shared Christian faith binds us together in love.
In today's world everything has to be quick, and we want something without investing too much time or effort, however, as with anything of lasting value, you have to invest time and effort to reap a worthwhile harvest.
Archie thank you for raising this issue. As parents of 2 little ones (a 3 y.o. and a 1 y.o.), we find the dynamic of participation in church life has changed dramatically. One (or both) of us are regularly involved in the music ministry or Creche every Sunday, and during the week only one of us is able to attend a home group, after scrambling to get the kiddies tucked into bed before 8pm!
I'm not sure what the best option is apart from seeking opportunities for fellowship, prayer and teaching whenever and wherever you can!
I meet regularly with our pastor every fortnight over lunch, and we have a work-based in-house group in the early stages of conception.
Is it selfish to want to be ministered-to every now and then?!