AUDIO
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Phillip Jensen speaks on Anger as part of a series on emotions in the Christian life, delivered at the Australia Day Convention 2010
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It was many years ago, and I was at a small church with nice people, a nice pastor, and solid (if unspectacular) teaching. It is difficult now to understand how things went so wrong.
We like to imagine we can judge a church solely by its preaching, but there are many other factors that create the unique culture of each church. Sometimes these factors can be harmful, even if the preaching can’t be faulted. It’s naive to think otherwise.
For reasons I still don’t fully understand, church became a depressing and deadening experience for me. I tried to explain my feelings to the leadership, but my message was not well received - and probably not well delivered either. Things rapidly spiraled down. My low level of enthusiasm for the church and its vision saw me lose my “insider” status, and I was criticised as hard-hearted and lacking kingdom focus. I was already serving in several ministries, but I was told the solution to “my problem” was to serve even more. Spiritual vitality drained away, and church became hateful to me.
I slipped into a depression. When I told one leader that I was getting no spiritual benefit from church, he replied, “That’s terrible!” But I was mistaken to think he was sympathetic. He continued, “You are being so selfish. You go to church to serve others, not to get anything out of it for yourself.”
Everyone dug their heels in, and I left that church soon afterwards. I’ve since made peace with the parties involved, but it was all pretty distressing at the time.
How did things get so bad? I think there are a few reasons -
1. We were all pretty young and inexperienced. Young people do and say appalling things.
2. There was a fair bit of pressure on the church to achieve “results”. In such a situation, leadership can be tempted to ride roughshod over the congregation in order to reach their goals.
3. There was a view, still very common today, that church was essentially a series of ministry programs, and the main role of the congregation was to resource these ministries. In such an environment, the program can become more important than the person.
4. Fifteen years ago, there was much, much less understanding of depression and related mental health issues. People didn’t recognise it, and they didn’t know how to respond to it. I’m sure that played a role.
Some people will question the value of an article like this, especially on a site read by so many outsiders. But I think we need to own the bad with the good. I left that church feeling very wounded, but I learnt plenty from this difficult experience. Perhaps others will too.
But, if I may be so bold: do you really think it fair and honest to assess preaching in such churches (as the two of us have experienced) as 'solid'? At this point I must, like you Craig, beg for mercy as I ask what is bound to be misinterpreted as unhelpful.: Just how 'solid' is the theology that drives such spiritually immaturity in the first place? How 'solid' the exegesis that enculturates a 'digging of the heel's in place of love and kindness?
At the risk of becoming a pariah, I have to confess that I spent years and years longing to know what my church leaders knew, but desperately wanting to avoid living the way they lived (for precisely the reasons you’ve articulated, Craig). It is only more recently that I have joined the dots and come to wonder if the epistemological emperor has no clothes.
Please don’t read me as putting in the boot here. I love this Diocese – deeply – and I long to see the day when this kind of story is but a long distant (albeit painful) memory. It is, I fear, all too common today.
And so the knowledge of God on the matters of concern is no longer searched for in the pages of scripture.
There is a failure to acknowledge the depravity of ourselves.
There is an avoidance of repentance, forgiveness and mercy.
And sometimes there is, sadly, a need for division:
And sometimes there is, sadly, a need for division:
But in the following instructions I do not commend you, because when you come together it is not for the better but for the worse. For, in the first place, when you come together as a church, I hear that there are divisions among you. And I believe it in part, for there must be factions among you in order that those who are genuine among you may be recognized. (1Corinthians 11)
Di
@Nicky, thanks for your comments, I think we are in pretty close agreement in these areas. Although I do believe that helping pastors *will* ultimately help lay workers - a pastors emotional health profoundly affects the experience of his congregation.
@Di, thanks for your comments, though I don't feel you've got much sympathy for my experience. Sometimes real-world relationships are very messy. Sometimes it is not easy to say "these are the good guys, these are the bad guys".
I think that one should first ask when confronted with conflict if criticisms and judgements are fair or unfair and work out from that position.
Di
Your advice is sound - sometimes criticism is warranted, sometimes not. I would only add that in the midst of an emotionally stressful conflict, it is often difficult to make an objective judgment.
I agree, it is often very difficult to make objective judgements in messy conflict.
It would perhaps be interesting sometime to explore questions that we could ask ourselves that would help in such situations.
Di
Is the leader dictatorial and authoritarian?
Are these leaders or religious addicts, at war with the world to protect their terrain and establish themselves as godly persons who can’t be compared to other persons of faith?
Harmful faith systems are punitive in nature…Is yours?
Are your leaders or religious addicts demanding overwhelming service?
Have you or anyone caught up in a harmful faith system physically ill, emotionally distraught and spiritually dead?
Is the Communication from the top down or from the inside out and communication is closed?
Communication in harmful faith systems isn’t two-way interaction…
Information is valid only if it comes from the top of the church hierarchy or organisation and is passed down to the bottom or from within the church/organisation and shared with the outside...
Open Communication is a valuing process where people are heard and feel heard…
Rules are distortions of God’s intent and leave Him out of the relationship…
Sadly, what you do is valued more than who you are...
Following rules leads to legalism.
Jesus came to replace rules with relationships!
What system of objective accountability exists? If none;run!
Is a technique of labelling flourish to discount a person who opposes the beliefs of those in the harmful faith system?
Thanks for being brave on sharing this. Many of your thoughts / experiences expressed here seem familiar - from the youth and inexperience (I'm still there I think) to leadership goal oriented tunnel vision and associated fallout.
I am also impressed that this article made it to being published. Thanks for showing that people can report on the "bad" stories / churches as well as the successful, pat ourselves on the back ones. (I recall the great John Sandeman said something on this a few years ago)
Church is life, full of ups and downs - I feel the more real we become with this, the more we have a chance of reaching people who feel that church is not real and out of touch with the community.
@Colin - I appreciate your comments as well. The problem that I have had when exploring these ideals is the clash of these ideals with necessary reality of the system.
NOTE: I did not say the system is right or necessary (or wrong etc), just the system, I feel, cannot have all the benefits it brings (which I enjoy) with ideal objective accountability or open communication (which I wish to enjoy) - the pragmatic idealist dilemma.
Jonathan
Thank you for your honesty. I'm sorry those things happened to you.
I lost my first comment to the internet ether, so let me try and recreate it. Your article reminded me of the importance of listening to one another--not just hearing the words that come out of people's mouths, but understanding why they're saying what they're saying, and what circumstances of life have given rise to the way they feel. When that leader said to you, "You are being so selfish. You go to church to serve others, not to get anything out of it for yourself", theologically, he was right about church: that is how we should view the gathering of God's people--not as a consumer, but as a servant. However, pastorally, he failed you in not taking the time to understand where you were coming from--why you were depressed and why you felt that church wasn't being very helpful to you.
It seems to me that the skill of listening well is something we all need to develop and cultivate--hence my blog post on the subject. Listening well can only help us love others well.
To fly a kite for a sec - I suspect we have lost a theology of hospitality and its close connection to ecclesiology.
If we really are a church 'family' then we should know enough about our struggling brother/sister not to make unhelpful demands on them but see that their willingness to be 'at the table' is part of their service to us.
This idea that we just "give,give,give" at church and never think about our own welfare - it's a common idea, but I don't think it's realistic or even biblical. I'm reminded of the principle in 2 Corinthians 8 -
And Galatians 6 -
I’d suggest that the two scriptures you mentioned, when understood in their contexts, are both exhorting christians to give. Firstly out of their abundance to those in need and secondly out of their ‘spiritualness’ to those caught in sin.
Di