On Mon 10th Feb I was part of a “Father Hood Forum” at Parliament House Canberra.
One of the issues that came up was the high rate of male suicide in this country. One Christian man whom I was talking to, spoke of coming through suicidal depression after his wife locked him out of his home and was engaged on the day they recieved their divorce.

He spoke of the fact that without his invovlement in a church, without there support he wouldnot and still can not survive.

He is on a fairley high salary of appx $85,000 a year - However after paying 48% tax, 32% child support, 11% super he is left with around $13000 a year to live on, or the princly sum of $250 a week. out of this he has to pay rent (Sydney prices), clothes, food, car expenses, and look after his children when he has access to them.

This certainly opened my eye’s and broke my heart whilst fellowshipping with this man. I have 3 step son’s and have the mindset that a man should care for his children and have no compunction about recieving help from my boys father, who is still living with the woman whom he left my wife for.

However perhaps we as part of Christ’s Bride need to ask the question
“How are our men really coping?”
Do we tend to judge men who are divorced and seperated from their families? maybe they are or maybe they are not at fault, but perhaps we need to reach out to them.

I suggest that perhaps we can reach out the following way to each other.

1. Ask, how are you doing? either by phone or letter, email, face to face
2. Ask God to give you wisdom in what we can do to help practically?
3. Pray with each other
4. Give them a food hamper
5. Invite them around for a BBQ when they have their chidren with them, as they often can’t afford to go places.
6. Fill their car up with petrol when they are not watching.
7. Ask them how they are doing again and again and again - but listen, let them know that you are genuine, and pray for them, with them and for them.

This is just one part of a complex issue, and before any one starts firing barbs at me, yes I acknowledge that women need help in this area as well, and we can follow up the same way with women who are facing seperation and divorce.

we need to infiltrate all levels of our society with our mission, and this is one huge area that our nation is facing at the moment.

craig - Jesus said, “You fed me when I was hungry, you clothed me when I was naked, and gave me accomadation when I was homeless”

Applaud Applaud Applaud!!!

I am in total agreement with you Craig.  Often the church relates better to women, because lets face it, on a generalist whole, there are more women in church then men.  That, combined with the Australian macho man image (which means men never seek - nor offer - help to another man for fear of offending his ‘proudness’).

Ministry to hurting men is indeed an important vital part of our mission field.

I believe we need to make sure that God’s message of grace gets through though.  Too often, too many are more than quick to point out that ‘God hates divorce’, and yes - God does hate divorce.  It is not part of his plan for men and women to hurt so badly to the point that a marriage is lost.  However, people in this situation need to know that God’s grace is bigger than the issue at hand - and that God’s grace will see people through such trying and testing times.  Believe me I know - my Dad no longer belongs to a Christian Church because he was treated deplorably when my parents broke up 15 years ago.  Plenty of support for Mum (which is great), none for Dad.

However Craig, 1 bone of contention.....if you ever touch my car when I’m not looking.................  ;-)

Good on yah Mike.

Perhaps a petrol voucher or a $20 - $50 note tucked into a shirt pocket or left on the table might be a better idea.

craig -

I have just come back from two nights with a group of men, young and old all seeking the Lord in prayer and worship. We took our masks off and shared with each other in areas we were strugling. The only agenda we had was the meal times, then we just prayed and praised and worshiped and seeked gods face and he met with us on that mountain.

Thats a good start, will write more later - not long back .
craig

Looking forward to it Craig.

In the mean time can I ask if other guys agree with me when I say:

Church is a good way to meet people and a bad way to make friends ?

I’m not sure if this changes as you get older, but in my experience its easy to meet people at church - there’s a wide range of generally friendly people there week in, week out, but on the other hand its a bad way to make friends because, while you always ‘see’ your church friends, there’s no pressure to do much outside of church when you can maintain the ‘friendship’ (such as it is) by saying hi to them once or twice a week/fortnight. Unless you’ve grown up with them, or happen to do stuff with them outside of church (eg sport - every church should have a mens cricket team ;P ) then it all tends to be pretty superficial with most people (tho not everyone), but maybe thats just my experience.

I was wondering just how much I’d miss the people I ‘know’ (not much) vs the people I’m friends with at church, which was kinda scary…

Anyway I only raise this because to achieve what Craig lists in his first post you would need to be pretty good mates with them…

[quote author="Adrian"]Here’s the thing. I was feeling a bit isolated from my church - so I put an ad in the local community paper three weeks ago describing my sad position and asking christian blokes in a similar position to email me. By the start of this week I had 93 emails.

lol that’s a classic Adrian, good on you! Though its sad you were/are feeling isolated and there’s 93 or so other blokes feeling the same :/

Now what do I do???

Two words: paint. ball. Heh just kidding, I’ve got no idea, but if someone else had placed the ad and *you* had responded, what would you want to do?

The only men’s “ministry” stuff I’ve really seen consists of men’s breakfasts for some reason? I’ve always preferred sleep, but apparently that’s just me. Its also unfortunate that like 90% of social male behaviour exists around alcohol in our society.

I guess you would want to figure out what you want the ministry to achieve, and then style it around that goal, eg: be better mates, then do more social stuff; know more about the bible: build it around bible studies, be better behaved: style it around accountability. Or do a bit of everything? Did you have anything in mind?

G’day Adrian, there is a difference between the church and the world, and we are to build a bridge accross the great chasm between the world and the church, not to join the world but to live in it.

I think it is a great idea for the initial meeting, though perhaps not helpful to actually talk, the other thing is that often men turn to booze because of these type of situations.

I’m not sure if those who emailed you are “Christian” or non christian, if most are non christian, many hurting men are looking for answers, you need to be prepared to say,

“You do not have the answers, though I do know him who does”

I am involved with the “Fatherhood Foundation” who send out a weekly encouraging newsletter. It’s aim is to help dads and husbands both married and single.

www.fathersonline.org [edit: fixed link. -Luke]

craig

I just realised that the link I provided doesn’t do it, i hope this one does the trick, sorry for any inconvenience

craig

issues men face

Is it OK for me - a woman to contribute????? If yes, then read the following. If not, sorry!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! But I’m going to any way.

I thought the model described in Titus is one worth noting on this thread and possibly discussing:

Titus 2:2, 6-8 Teach the older men to be temperate, worthy of respect, self-controlled, and sound in faith, in love and in endurance. Similarly, encourage the young men to be self-controlled.  In everything set them an example by doing what is good. In your teaching show integrity, seriousness and soundness of speech that cannot be condemned, so that those who oppose you may be ashamed because they have nothing bad to say about us.

Just to start the discussion going I’ll give my 2 cents worth. My impression is that this ‘model’ is like a mentoring programme: older, mature Christian men getting along side younger Christian men and encourage them to persevere in godliness and faithfulness. There would be blessings for both parties as they meet : both would be built up through encouragement and godly love. Any hardships or sin they are struggling with can be prayed over and, if desired, discussed in an atmosphere of trust (what is discussed is not shared with anyone else) and mutual confidence.

My husband is involved in doing this with a couple of Christian men. The joys of sharing each others life in a real, open and accountable way has been of immense benefit to all. I’ve noticed my husband is living a much more thankful and enriched life since he started being involved with other men who are trying to work out how to love and forgive asGod calls them to and how to be godly in all circumstances.

Any other thoughts? Thanks for the insightful discussions so far.

cheers
Angela