Hi
I would be interested in starting a dialogue with never married, separated, divorced and widowed men, women, ministers and others, particularly in leadership, as to what is happening in their parishes in the area of Ministry to Single and Single Again Adults; and how I could assist anyone, in this growing Mission Field, that Census 2006 says now represents 50.4% of the Australian population and now outnumbers marrieds for the first time in a long, long time…
Rev Colin Murdoch
1986 Founder Singles for Christ
www.singlesforchrist.org.au
In Census 1986 42.6% of the population was Single or Single Again this is now 50.4% 2006 Census in Australia, and compares with trends in the USA, England, New Zealand and elsewhere…
How have Parishes met the challenges of rising divorce rates over the past decades, increasing numbers of people staying never married, others choosing to live together or be unmarried but in a relationship, and people living longer leading to increases in formerly marrieds who are now very much Senior Adults and alone?
I think this is an excellent subject to discuss. My own church (Annandale Anglican) has had a very successful ministry to divorced people over the last few years, partly through the DivorceCare recovery course, and partly through positive pastoral attitudes towards divorcees from the church leadership. We are also looking to help other churches minister more effectively to divorced people.
Ministry to “never marrieds” is also an increasingly important subject. I don’t have much to say there, except that some work needs to be done in that area.
Craig, it is always encouraging to hear of churches, whose attitudes towards the separated and divorce are open, healthier, accepting, welcoming and pastorally sensitive, and who are using some excellent resources.
As this attitude permeates through to other Parishes and Denominational Leadership, great things will be done for the Kingdom of God, as we Live out the Great Commandment and the Great Commission on a daily basis…
In the meantime...Little by Little...We can Make A Difference!
Colin
My experience in singles groups is that the “never married” don’t fit - the group is geared to Divorced, widowed with kids. In fact in one group I was told I wasn’t welcome because I didn’t have kids (although I actually had “inherited” children from my twin sister, but still didn’t fit).
my 2 cents worth.
Gill.
Hi Gill,
We remember you fondly from years ago...We hope all is well with you…
Over the years Singles for Christ has seen around 60% come through its ministry who are divorced or separated, 10% widowed and ncreasing numbers of never marrieds 30%…
In fact this led us at one time to ask a never married woman to commence a Ministry to those in the 21 - 40’s age group - the majority of whom were never married.
Three years later, she married a school teacher who rang me one day, who was himself older than her and never married.
Further, for 10 years we had Home Groups on a weekly or fortnightly basis
and ran a series of topics over 4, 6, 8 evenings or a school term(many who came from Anglican, Baptist, UCA COC, Hillsong or other churches), looking at issues such Rediscovering the importance and power of Prayer, Forgiveness, Boundaries(based on Cloud and Townsend), Being a Safe Person, Relationships, God’s Call to the Single Adult, etc, which relate to all people, not just Single Again but Never Marrieds also.
These went for 2 hours finishing with supper on weeknights and were structured in such a way, that we began with asking he Group of 10- How’s your week or fortnight been? Then went into Prayer, had the study with notes prepared, had further prayer and finished with supper...Today, we run these type of evenings rather than in a series just as a stand alone one evening and call them Relationship Workshops and they start 7.30pm Saturday evenings and finish between 9.30 - 10pm.
It seems strange that we spend $BILLIONS of DOLLARS in Australia each year being the CHURCH, with some wonderful ministry to children, youth, married couples and married couples with children.
Yet when these children and youth become Single Adults, married couples and married couples with children, now find themselves to be formerly Marrieds especially the separated or divorced, the Church overall, exception for some welcome exceptions, is silent, awkward or MIA- missing in action.
Very strange, especially when these children and youth which we have invested so much time, energy, money and ministry into, become Single Adults, remain Single Adults for years or forever...While many other children and youth who go onto to become married couples, couples who live together, or married couples with children, many leaders in the Church, who we rub shoulders with at various levels of the Church Community and have welcomed them, perhaps into our homes and our own lives; find themselves isolated with many feeling they have contracted a socially contagious disease!
I wonder: What would Jesus do? How would He respond to these never marrieds or formerly marrieds that now make up 50.4% of the population?
Colin Murdoch
www.singlesforchrist.org.au
My observation of church ministries is that they stem from like minded people working together for a common cause. The ministry eventuates because there is a common ground for people coming together in a safe environment.
Ministries in churches tend to be run by people with an vested interest in the ministry. So kids groups are run by parents with kids. Family nights are run by families.
But it seems harder to find single people who can/want to actively work towards supporting like minded Christians. It is harder to find a group of singles .... who want to run a group for singles.
Singles ministry is also tricky because it is difficult to know what to offer.
I love the topics you have covered that you shared in your post above.
However to have programs for singles ..... all of a sudden the meeting is weighted down with ..... is it just a match making group(?). [I mean this runs through people’s minds even if they don’t say it out loud.]
And where does one start? What program do you offer. Is it purely a social setting or is it a bible study?
I wonder if with the group you run have you felt more free to explore different types of programs than if you were tied to a single church? I imagine that in a church context there are probably many more constraints (some obvious, many more that are subtle).
Don’t know if this progresses the discussion or not. Just some reflections of mine.
formerly Marrieds especially the separated or divorced, the Church overall, exception for some welcome exceptions, is silent, awkward or MIA- missing in action.
Awkward, mainly, I think.
People will always be awkward if they have little or no empathy with someone who has suffered a marriage break-up or worse.
I think in general we common garden not-officially-involved in ministry people mostly feel so ill-qualified to support those who have suffered through relationships (or just suffered, period). And that makes us awkward; we want to help, but we have no idea how; we fear failing at trying to help so mostly we give up and don’t even try and just hope and pray that God will bring somebody to the sufferer who’d do a better job of caring for them than we would…
Please note this is not my personal experience - it’s all conjecture as I recall the neglect my mother experienced in the years after my father broke commandment #7- perhaps she was not better supported because (a)almost no-one knew how (b)people didn’t care enough to learn how so as to be more encouraging to her, or were too occupied with their own lives.
As a single girl, I’ve actually felt really well supported by my growing number of friends at cathedral. God has been gracious in that regard. And there are a lot of lovely, fantastic individuals in my evening Chinese church congregation too......
I wonder: What would Jesus do? How would He respond to these never marrieds or formerly marrieds that now make up 50.4% of the population?
Be concerned for their encouragement & spiritual growth?
My two cents’ worth on this is that I think it better to focus on building community within the congregation, rather than labelling something as a “singles ministry”. More inclusive (of both singles and marrieds), less expectations....
Hi Heather,
Thank you for your contribution to the discussion...If you go to our website:
www.singlesforchrist.org.au
you will see what we offer...However, briefly, we have social programmes 3 times every 2 months normally 2nd and 4th Saturdays(mostly in evening) of the month...Relationship Workshops once every 4-6 weeks on a Saturday evening, have just finalised one: How Healthy Choices Grow Healthy Realtionships for Saturday August 9th on Dating and Relating-we are full!
Divorce Recovery Workshops are run as needed within Singles for Christ and can be run for Parishes over a weekend-normally up to 6 sessions or if within an hours drive we can run them one evening a week for 6 weeks...This can be a great ministry to the Church Community and Outreach to your local Community if prepared well in advance.
Weekend Retreats once or twice a year-this year Watsons Bay and Nonnaweena at Kulnura-both booked out 6 months in advance within 4 weeks of newsletter going out!
Pastoral Care...And we are happy to assist Parishes set up a Comprehensive Pastoral Care System if they feel the one they have needs a tune up or complete overhaul....
Counselling - Face to face appointments.
Singles Happenings - Held once every 2 years on the NSW/ACT October long weekend...Most people come from Sydney and Regional NSW, with some from Canberra, Melbourne and Regional Victoria.
We are also happy to preach at Parish services on Relationship issues applicable to everyone whether Single, Single Again or Married…
.e.g. Living Like A Champion, Living with Passion,
Unlocking the Door of Resentment or on topics for Young Adults, Singles and Single Again Men and Women, say, on Dating and Relating or many other topics.
We are happy to speak at a Seminar on Single Living for your Singles Group or Church.
We are happy to assist Parishes commence a Comprehensive Ministry to Single and Single Again Adults...Normally a Saturday morning or afternoon or Saturday evening.
Singles receive a Quarterly newsletter with forthcoming events and book in and pay in advance for approximately 75% of events particularly if the restaurant requires monies in advance, a deposit or we are catering for you.
This simply covers all parties if you change your mind or get a better offer.
Otherwise, say for picture night or where no catering is involved you simply book beforehand, then pay at the event…
Singles Happenings/Conferences and Retreats must be paid in full well beforehand as most Conference Centres want to know final numbers up to 2 weeks beforehand so they can cater for the long weekend.
Hope this helps, but click on various buttons at www.singlesforchrist.org.au
Hi Tia,
Thank you for your thoughts too...It’s great that you have felt supported at the Cathedral by your friends…
Awkward...Yes, I think we can all feel that way in different life and ministry situations because we are all human, and what we are confronted with may be a new experience in our journey through life...I well remember doing Clinical Pastoral Education at the world renowned Peter McCallum Cancer Institute in Melbourne and serving as a Hospital Chaplain. It was a Thursday,
it had been a long and stressful day with classes, meetings and difficult pastoral care situations, and I went home with a Motorola as I was oncall
for the entire hospital, and I picked up my favourite pizza and coke. I just sat down and the Motorola went off. I made a call to Peter McCallum, and someone was dying and needed a Chaplain, so off I went leaving the pizza and coke untouched around 8pm...I arrived on the ward, then the Motorola went off again, someone else on another floor was dying-and the family had been called...One hour later the Motorola went off for a third time - an Italian
Catholic woman was dying, needed a Chaplain and the family had arrived.
I called a catholic priest for the first person, a Protestant minister for the second and I went back to the third woman for we had an understanding I would be with her and her husband and family when she died - a catholic priest had been to visit her during the day...With 3 people dying, 3 sets of families, and 3 sets of staff on 3 different floors I felt more than a trifle torn and awkward-for this was a new experience, another learning edge in my journey through life and ministry...Approx 4am all had gone to be with their Heavenly Father, all had been pastorally cared for...I tell you this story because sometimes we think we have to be superhuman or have all the answers-but we can’t...We can be a Listening Ear, we can Love like Jesus would do or sometimes when we become aware of others who specialise in a particular field we can refer-and sometimes that can be a great thing to do...Like to Singles for Christ or Craig’s group/church at Annandale Anglican or somewhere else...So, Tia, when you next feel awkward, think about the persons situation, look for and find other organisations or parishes or individuals who can help, pray for guidance and God will direct you and hopefully the person will receive the help they need; and the next time when a similar situation occurs, you will feel less awkward and more experienced to assist, listen, help or refer…
Colin
Hi Heather,
Thank you for your contribution to the discussion...If you go to our website:
www.singlesforchrist.org.au
you will see what we offer.......
Colin
I gotta say the web site layout is pretty difficult to browse. Is it just my problem?
I just had a look too. Easy to browse, but boring and too “cutesey” for me. Colin, It might help lift the image if one of your singles people were into designing web sites and could give you a helping hand. It is really dated. ISTM that this thread is really about beefing up the profile of Singles for christ, and I hope I am not helping - i.e. that is not what this thread is for.
