No charges for man with 86 wives
Article from: Agence France-Presse From correspondents in Kano, Nigeria
October 08, 2008 08:56am
AUTHORITIES in Nigeria have dropped charges against an 84-year-old Islamic cleric accused of illegally having 86 wives, after his case was transferred to a criminal court, a court official said.
The Niger state Sharia commission withdrew the charge of illegal marriage against Muhammadu Bello Masaba when he appeared before a magistrate court, after his case was transferred from an Islamic Sharia court a day earlier.
He will only face one charge of disturbing religious peace for claiming to have seen Allah in interviews he granted the media, court clerk Abdullahi Dangana said. Mr Masaba pleaded not guilty to the charge.
He was arrested three weeks ago accused of marrying too many wives in violation of the maximum of four per man that Islam allows and for remarks capable of inciting religious disharmony.
Magistrate Ahmed Bima refused Mr Masaba bail and ordered him back to court later this month.
The revelation that he had 86 wives attracted sharp criticism and indignation from Islamic clerics, inclusing the Jama’atu Nasril Islam (JNI),a Nigerian Muslim body that slammed a fatwa, or death sentence, on him.
Mr Masaba later agreed to divorce 82 of his wives following an ultimatum issued by the influential traditional chief of his home town, Bidda, that he comply with the law or leave town.
Since the return of Nigeria to civil rule in 1999 a dozen predominantly Muslim states in the north have re-introduced a version of the Islamic Sharia legal system.
What the article didn’t include was the observation by the magistrates that - as he had 86 mothers-in-law - that was punishment enough ;)
Actually, back in the ‘70’s my parents were travelling through the middle east and were guests of some very wealthy people, one of whom had 4 wives. When my father asked him what that was like, he actually made that observation: a downside was it meant having 4 mothers-in-law!
Eric.
If your day is a little difficult today, give thanks we are not in this
situation. Don’t you love creative solutions free from political
correctness??
SCHOOL ANSWERING MACHINE - SHOULD BE MORE OF IT!
This is hilarious - no wonder some people were offended!
This is the message that the Pacific Palisades High School California staff voted unanimously to record on their school telephone answering machine . This is the actual answering machine message for the school.
This came about because they implemented a policy requiring students and parents to be responsible for their children’s absences and missing homework. The school and teachers are being sued by parents who want their children’s failing grades changed to passing grades - even though those children were absent 15 to 30 times during the semester and did not complete enough school work to pass.
The outgoing message:
Hello! You have reached the automated answering service of
your school. In order to assist you in connecting to the right staff
member, please listen to all the options before making a selection:
To lie about why your child is absent - Press 1
To make excuses for why your child did not do his work-Press 2
To complain about what we do - Press 3
To swear at staff members - Press 4
To ask why you didn’t get information that was already
enclosed in your newsletter and several flyers mailed to you - Press 5
If you want us to raise your child - Press 6
If you want to reach out and touch, slap or hit someone - Press 7
To request another teacher, for the third time this year -Press 8
To complain about bus transportation- Press 9
To complain about school lunches -Press 0
If you realise this is the real world and your child must be
accountable and responsible for his/her own behaviour, class work,
homework and that it’s not the teachers’ fault for your child’s lack of
effort: Hang up and have a nice day !
If you want this in another language, move to a country that
speaks it.
Here is a joke that is going around the emails at the moment.
*Important News:*
Following the problems in the sub-prime lending market in America and
the run on Northern Rock in the UK, uncertainty has now hit Japan.
In the last 7 days Origami Bank has folded, Sumo Bank has gone belly up
and Bonsai Bank announced plans to cut some of its branches.
Yesterday, it was announced that Karaoke Bank is up for sale and will
likely go for a song, while today shares in Kamikaze Bank were suspended
after they nose-dived.
While Samurai Bank fell on its sword, Ninja Bank is reported to have
taken a hit, but they remain in the black. Furthermore, 500 staff at
Karate Bank just got the chop and analysts report that there is
something fishy going on at Sushi Bank where it is feared that staff may
get a raw deal!
There are so many dad jokes in that one, I just had to share it with you dads… lots of meal time groans for your family!
I don’t think that those lines were in Kevin’s post. I hope that I haven’t missed them if they are there!
Cheers, Andrew
Hi Andrew,
I would be most surprised if they were in MY post - which was about a “SCHOOL ANSWERING MACHINE “. You obviously meant to refer to “Robert”.
However, I have personally heard most of Robert’s ( BTW very funny ) post before. It featured in the 2006 “Cumberland Gang Show” at the Parramatta Riverside Theatre - the annual variety show by Scouts and Guides - and in which my daughter featured in that particular skit ( among many others ). Next year, nearer the date, I’ll remind everyone who wants to have a great family outing, that there will be 10 shows to choose from in the second week of the July school holidays ;)
I don’t think that those lines were in Kevin’s post. I hope that I haven’t missed them if they are there!
Cheers, Andrew
Hi Andrew,
I would be most surprised if they were in MY post - which was about a “SCHOOL ANSWERING MACHINE “. You obviously meant to refer to “Robert”.
However, I have personally heard most of Robert’s ( BTW very funny ) post before. It featured in the 2006 “Cumberland Gang Show” at the Parramatta Riverside Theatre - the annual variety show by Scouts and Guides - and in which my daughter featured in that particular skit ( among many others ). Next year, nearer the date, I’ll remind everyone who wants to have a great family outing, that there will be 10 shows to choose from in the second week of the July school holidays ;)
Cheers, Kevin
Oops. Sorry Kevin and Robert.
Maybe I’m not getting better quite as quickly and thoroughly as I thought. :(
Can I ask a question about Four candles/fork handles? I’ve been watching Two Ronnies sketches on Youtube, something i highly recommend, but I don’t get the punchline on Fork handles, which is “Bill hooks.”
Now I hope I’m not referring to something rude! Is it like Sky hooks?
CORBETT: You are ‘avin’ me on! (He takes back the pump, and gets a pair of brown foot pumps out of a drawer, and places them on the counter) Next?
BARKER: Washers!
CORBETT (really close to breaking point): What, dishwashers, floor washers, car washers, windscreen washers, back scrubbers, lavatory cleaners? Floor washers?
BARKER: ‘Alf inch washers!
CORBETT: Oh, tap washers, tap washers? (He finally breaks, and makes to confiscate his list) Look, I’ve had just about enough of this, give us that list. (He mutters) I’ll get it all myself! (Reading through the list) What’s this? What’s that? Oh that does it! That just about does it! I have just about had it! (calling through to the back) Mr. Jones! You come out and serve this customer please, I have just about had enough of ‘im. (Mr. Jones comes out, and Ronnie Corbett shows him the list) Look what ‘e’s got on there! Look what ‘e’s got on there!
JONES (who goes to a drawer with a towel hanging out of it, and opens it): Right! How many would ya like? One or two?
(He removes the towel to reveal the label on the drawer - ‘Bill hooks’!)
This is what a real one is :
The billhook is a traditional cutting tool used mainly in European agriculture and forestry, but also common in other parts of the world where it was introduced by European settlers. It is used for cutting smaller woody material such as shrubs and branches.
Modern usage :
Billhooks are currently in common use by thatchers, coppicers, hurdle makers, charcoal burners and often by other traditional craftsmen, farmers and woodsmen. It is also the primary tool for hedgelayers.
I’m unaware of any rude meaning. But look at the end of this video clip for an interesting commentary on the ending of the sketch by the Two Ronnies :
A married man left work early one Friday, but instead of going home, he spent the weekend partying with the boys.
When he finally returned home on Sunday night, his wife was really furious regarding his absence ! After a few of hours of yelling and screaming, his wife paused and pointed at him and made him an offer.
“ How would you like it if you didn’t see me for a couple of days? “
The husband couldn’t believe his good fortune, so he looked up, smiled and said, “ That would suit me just fine !! “
...........
Monday went by, and the man didn’t see his wife......
Tuesday and Wednesday went by and he still didn’t see her......
Come Thursday however, and the swelling had gone down a bit and he could see her a little out of the corner of his left eye .
A church congregation decided to have four separate worship services each Sunday.
There was one section for those people who were new to the faith, another for regular members who preferred the more traditional worship service, one for those who’d lost their faith and wanted to get it back, and a separate service for those who had had some unsuccessful experiences with other churches and had some complaints.
Now the following message only arrived in my email box 5 minutes ago - and although it isn’t in the usual strand of Christian jokes, I’m still laughing :
- My Dear My name is Rev Father willy; I am 76 years old now. I have been suffering in the sick bed for the past 7 years.Now I believe that my time has come to join my ancestors in heaven.I got your email address from the Internet, as the spirit of AlmightyGod directed me to contact you for this charity work. I have $18,000,000.00 deposited in a safe location,which I want you to claim on my behalf for an important charitable project. Can you honestly do this for me? Remain blessed in the Lord.Rev willy
Hey - what IF it IS true after all - I could be losing out on His blessings - BIG TIME !
I mean the ‘subject header’ is : Chance from the Lord
And the sender is “Willy Promise”. Perhaps ‘the spirit of Almighty God’ has led ‘will he promise’ to my very email address. How wonderful are His ways indeed ;)
Oh why am I so sceptical ? But perhaps it is true… oh woe is me..... what to do ?
To be oh so rich one minute - but then realise that it is my own cynicism and unbelief that has led me to squander $18 million within minutes.
Oh such dread....oh such guilt....
I guess it just brings out the ‘Nigerian’ in me ;)
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