I just posted this up on my blog -

Church tonight was about marriage roles, and the issue of domestic violence came up. What should a Christian woman do if she is being assaulted by her husband? In the past, I know that many women have been counseled by their pastors to “submit and pray”, and hope for a miraculous heart change. In the meantime, she and the children may well be subject to terrible abuse.

Does the Bible require this? After all, Jesus says that a marriage must not be broken, and Paul tells husbands and wives not to separate. So is a Christian woman stuck in this situation?

I’d say the answer is a clear no. There are a couple of reasons. Firstly, violent assault is against the law. Out of respect for the law (if nothing else), a woman and anyone she tells (including a pastor) are under a moral obligation to report the violence to the police. These situations are taken very seriously, and very quickly the state will act to separate the victim from the perpetrator.

But a Biblical case can be argued for separation as well. In 1552, a noble woman wrote a letter to the Genevan Consistory, headed by John Calvin. In it she described how she was being subjected to very cruel violence by her husband, and she asked if she had any Biblical warrant to leave. The consistory replied that Jesus permitted his disciples to flee from persecution (they didn’t provide a verse, unfortunately, but they may have been thinking of Matthew 10:23). They went on to say that, just as Protestants could in good conscience flee papal persecution, so could a wife flee a dangerous husband.

It seems plain to me that we must certainly act, in these instances, to protect the weak and vulnerable.

I would have thought that when there is volence, the advice and support should be on how to get out. No question.  I have never understood the “submit and pray” stance, and fortunately I don’t hear it often these days.
Gill.

You still hear ‘submit & pray” variants in penty circles .
A friend in one was told, after leaving him, that she had the spirit of Jezebel in her. I have said before how, when I was in counselling that I could, given information about a client’s church involvement, guess with remarkable accuracy, what the issue was likely to be. Fundies, especially penties typically had DV as a major factor. The theology (emphasising male dominance and an unbiblical concept of what leadership means. ie; not service but autocracy) and a tradition that demanded she stay at home and blamed her made this all too easy a guess to make. I was pleased to see that at last year’s AoG conference they decided to turn this belief set on its head and to no longer tolerate DV. Not that this means change has flooded through yet.

DV is the major precursor to murder in this country. It cannot and should not be tolerated. Kids who live in violent homes are often traumatised (I have become sick of that word BTW, but it does apply here) in a similar way to kids who grow up in war zones. No wonder really.
Pastors who promote the “stay at home” policy are conspirators, albeit unwittingly, to violence, child abuse and murder. I wonder how they could justify that?

I’m not au fait with their theology on DV, but a penty Church has a domestic violence support group which meets at my work Church weekly. I’m fairly sure that “submit and pray” isn’t part of their basic philosophy. As an example, I know that they are involved with the local police (one came a few weeks back to address the group)-I doubt that the police would be involved with them if that was their line.

The model of a Husband’s love of his wife is that Christ gave up any glory, honour and power and died a humiliating death on a cross for the sake of his bride - us.

It would seem to me that a husband who beats up his wife - physically or emotionally - has so broken the purpose of marriage, so marred the model Christ gave us, that the marriage is already over.  Leaving it recognises this fact.

Help needs to be provided for the wife, and for the husband, and real reconciliation with both parties healed needs to be the aim.  But the situation can’t remain as it is, and immediate intervention is required.

Mike

How could anyone put up with such a thing?

Get out and get help.

I think submission and faithfulness in this instance may mean taking time away for him to think things through a bit more thoroughly so lives are not endangered.

For a woman who desires to be faithful, I suspect this may mean, hoping and praying that God would work mightily in him, in hopes for reconciliation and a restoration of the relationship.

But don’t put up with violence… please for goodness sake.