Hi,
I would greatly appreciate some prayer for managing my current work situation.
Set against a background of 2 years psychiatric treatment for depression and anxiety, I have found myself in a situation at work which is testing the very limits of all of my progress in getting better.

Specifically, the things which I have been learning and practicing with my psychiatrist have been:
1. Interpersonal skills: relating assertively; expressing the need for help when I need it.
2. Aiming to do “the best that I can” at work and then “being completely satisfied that this is absolutely GOOD ENOUGH” (very, very difficult).
3. Not caring so much what other people think or expect of me.

I know very well (in theory) that God’s love for me is overflowing, abundant and beyond measuring. I know that the riches of his grace means unconditional acceptance of me and are a sound basis for confidence. But, I persist in doing that which I hate - being terrified of not being “good enough”. The “i’m not good enough” thing has dogged me since childhood. I’m always asking “am I good enough?”
The second thing I do is to bottle things up and not express them. I stress and I also get angry. But I hold it all in and it gets worse. Then it expresses itself by converting into depression or sickness.

My boss has hired some sales/ consultant guru to come and grow the business. I find him intimidating. I am under his scrutiny. He flys in from Queensland every four weeks to “check up on me”. I’m a key player in his ‘growth plan’. He goes through all my quotes to see whether i’ve “won” or “lost” them and why. I find the “performance pressure” horrible.
The problem is that I believe the expectations are not achievable. I work hard (I can’t do any better) but am never on top of the workload. I just can’t seem to cut it. My boss seems to think that I should be able to do it. It’s often noted or questioned that “such and such isn’t done” or “shoud be done” “needs to be done”. I feel like tearing my hair out. Do they think I haven’t noticed?! I’ve been trying to get to it!!
Anyway, God’s allowed me to be in this situation which calls for everything i’ve been working on for the past couple of years.
It’s sink or swim.
I need to:
Relate assertively when the expectations are unrealistic and let it be known when I need help.
Make it my aim to simply do the best I can and to be SATISFIED with that.
Not care too much what they think.
Everyone faces these pressures of life in a sinful world, I know. But for me personally it’s brought my life undone many times in the past. I became a Christian after a half hearted suicide attempt in 1990, which was really just a scream for help.
These days I have 3 lovely girls to care for (1 wife, 2 daughters) and I want to stay emotionally healthy!
I’d love it if you would pray for me.
thanks.
Blaise

Good morning Blaise,

That’s certainly a lot of personal stuff that you have shared with us about yourself. Thanks for being so honest and upfront - that took guts - and a trusting spirit.  I can feel for your agony as I was in a somewhat similar situation some years ago - all that ‘pressure’ and others trying to tell you where you’re going wrong - and the need to conform. conform. conform to their ‘better’ way. It really can be a ‘horrible’ place to be in.

In the business of daily life, I will indeed pray for you - primarily that you may have true peace - and that solutions might flow from that. And continue to give thanks for all the positives in your life - especially the love of God and your family.

Prayerfully,
Cheers Kevin

Hi Blaise. When I was in crowd control [which some people call high school music teaching] I found that it took up so much emotional energy, I had nothing left for anything else.

I prayed for 3 years for a better situation and was able to get a job that was not so overwhelming and draining.

Praying God will guide and direct you.
David McKay

Thanks very much Kevin and David.
I’ve just re-posted under the Prayer Room forum (I’d inadvertantly posted this one under the “suggestions and feedback” heading!
I couldn’t work out how to delete this one.
Thanks for your prayers - very much appreciated.
blaise

Praying that God would protect and comfort you and your family at this time, Blaise.

Thanks Gordon,
blaise

Dear Blaise,

God gave me Ps 91:14-16 over 20 years ago when I went thro’ a mid life crisis - those three girls of yours sound a wonderful of God for you and for you to love.

God bless you, go in peace, David (love your first name!)

Prayers Blaise, prayers indeed.
I remember being under management and then a consultant’s microscope for a few months and found it very difficult. It certainly was a learning curve and ultimately I learned a lot from the experience… but I cannot say I am grateful for it, just for what I learned.
I approached it by putting together a plan/ vision of my own. That is; I said what I thought was possible, necessary and what the obstacles were as clearly and succinctly as I could. It changed the direction of the service. I was still stressed though.

Hi Blaise,

Judging by your comments & the expressions you use to describe how you are feeling & reacting to situations, your predicament sounds almost identical to that of one of my close family members - and I do understand how hard it all feels. Don’t quite know what to pray except that God will provide all your needs according to His glorious riches in Christ Jesus (Phil. 4:19).

In Christ,
TZ.

Hi and thankyou so much for praying.
Just an update......
The short story is that I’m now without a job and looking for a new direction.
I tried my very best in the role that I was in but it just wasn’t what I’m gifted in.
The consultant came. We talked. I didn’t get angry. It was all amicable and good. He said they’d tried very hard to find a different role for me but couldn’t. They didn’t want to “push” me but were hinting that it might be best for me to “jump” sometime after my upcoming holidays. He came back later that arvo and offered 6 weeks pay and the simpler option of not coming back after holidays. So that was that!

I’d been there 8 years and 1 day!

Prayer would be great for the future. I’ve got a handful of weeks to find a job. I’m thinking about Graphic Design which has always been a bit of a hobby but I’ve not trained professionally. I have a friend who I might be able to do a little freelance work for while I learn skills and build up my portfolio while getting some experience. I guess this means getting a full time job just anywhere to support us in the meantime.

But my wife says the most important prayer point / goal is to manage my depression in the meantime.

Thanks for your prayers.
Blaise

Thanks for the update Blaise.
I’ll keep praying that you find your feet.

cheers
JH

Hi Blaise. Now is a really good time to retrain in readiness for your new direction. If graphic design is your favourite ... seek out a one or two week intensive course you could do. It may cost a little but the benefits that will follow afterward will be great. And the course provider may already have links with potential employers. So you will be in the exact right place to acquire a new job after the course. Heather. :)

I was just at a thing tonight where my wife met up with another designer, and they were both comparing graphic design to medicine in the way it can dominate your life. It’s OK once one has “cut your teeth” in the industry and have survived the first 10 years or so and can work from home (but saying that Joy’s working right now as I type this, at 11:26pm).

But to get started? After a 4 year course Joy worked for 6 months on $60 a week just to get her foot in the door in a good studio! Then came the REAL introduction — working from 9 am to about 9pm most days for the first 4 or 5 years of our marriage, quite often including weekends. (This was all before kids). I’d sometimes take food into Joy, and announce to everyone I saw there at 7pm on a Saturday night, “It’s official, none of you have lives!”

Once a petty tyrant in a large corporation said “I need it on my desk in Melbourne Thursday morning, or else!”

Joy went into work, and came home 2 days later. She worked 40 hours straight! On the second night her colleagues kept falling asleep. She was running the print supervision, and the printers would come in for their shift, work a whole shift, go home, eat, sleep, have a life, come back in and Joy was still there, work a shift, go home rinse and repeat only to come in and find Joy STILL there! Most of us are tired after a 40 hour week. Joy’s 40 hour SHIFT is legendary.

So.... if there’s any way to avoid all that and just do a shorter course, as suggested, and immediately go into a working from home routine, try and do that.

And Blaise, Macrumours should be your first point of call for design tips, software help, web design, buying a Mac, everything. I’ve learnt heaps there. And any software training you need can be supplied quite reasonably by VTC.com. Rather than going to a $2000 for 2 weeks Quark training thing, most of which you forget before coming home, you get these DVD’s and can watch them again and again.

Anyway, I’ve been praying for you mate, and hope you find some nice niche in the design world, and avoid the hyper-side of the thing because it really can consume the life out of you — just like those first horrible years of medicine can.

EG: After Joy left one studio she was horrified to find out later what had happened to friends in there. It was like a bad episode of “Grey’s Anatomy” or even “Days of our Lives” complete with best mates getting into competitive love triangles, drugs, theft, all sorts of weirdness..... all way too young. Joy and her design friend tonight basically put it down to the sheer time spent in the studio office. So do take care with this industry. Cheers mate.