Super Nanny

Seldom have I seen a program get so many television reviewers hot under the collar. Super Nanny, Nine’s parenting reality show, has them steaming from coast to coast. Is it the clichéd English inclusions? The strict instructions? The liberal use of the infamous ‘naughty step’? I think not. It’s something far more basic than that. Morality has entered the picture and someone has dared to tell parents that children – sweet, innocent children – can be bad.

Super Nanny, currently enjoys an average of two million Australian viewers every Monday night, making it one of the nation’s most successful reality style programs. The compulsive viewing comes from the opportunity to observe some of America’s worst children, and their transformation under the guidance of Super Nanny, Jo Frost.

Unlike most ‘make-over’ style programs, Super Nanny, invests significant time in every problem. Frost spends up to two weeks in each home, first observing, then practising and finally honing parenting techniques. The series then follows up each family months later to see if the techniques take. It’s a welcome change from the wham-bam approach pioneered by television staples like ‘Queer Eye’ and ‘Backyard Blitz’.

But the program has become the staple conversation at mothers’ groups because the tools actually work both on and off the screen.

Frost’s approach centres on three key principles: routine, respect and consequences for misbehaviour. Jadyn demonstrates a complete disregard for mother Stacie, alternatively back-chatting and ignoring her into virtual non-existence. Super Nanny calls a spade a spade. Jadyn isn’t just expressing herself. “She’s very, very rude. There’s no way she should be speaking to her mother that way. It’s disrespectful for a six year old to be that way towards her parents.” The program puts some honour back into the role of parenting. Mum and Dad do not exist simply to cater to the whims of their children. They are educators and authority figures who must be obeyed.

Frost’s preparedness to punish poor behaviour has got her in trouble with various childcare experts. But while reviewers have shuddered at terms like ‘unacceptable, ‘wrong’, and ‘naughty’ (‘It can damage [a child’s] self-esteem because they will feel labelled’ – SMH) parents seem to draw much-needed empowerment from the series. Today’s mums and dads have tried techniques developed in the ‘70s which elevated the child’s development over discipline and discovered they don’t make for happy families. Working under the surface is the recognition that children without guidance will simply do what they want, and what they want is almost always bad for them.

However most of the criticism seems to have missed the Super Nanny’s main point. This isn’t a program about controlling kids, it’s about training parents. The causes for most problems lie in the abandonment of parental responsibility. To a couple who undermine each other Frost says, “If you don’t stick together, how are you going to run your house effectively?” She challenges a father to take on his role rather than slouch on the couch “…then you won’t have a wife who feels like she has to do everything.”

There is a natural desire to see your child happy and thriving which can drive you to act against reason, especially when they are crying. As Stacie puts it, “The mummy part of me sees my child like that and you just want to stop it.” But good parents look at the long term. They dare to ask the question, “Where will this behaviour end up?” rather than just hoping that surrender now will not result in powerlessness later.

Super Nanny, is both relieving and confronting. For too long parents have hidden behind shields like “It’s not your fault. Kids will be kids,” while putting vast amounts of faith into baseless promises like “They’ll grow out of it,” – when instead children are actually growing into it. And if someone actually applies a structure and discipline within their household and produces well behaved children, inevitably the response is “You’re soooo lucky to have good kids,” – when the truth is that ‘luck’ has had nothing to do with it. Frost reminds us that happy families are the result of hard work; a personal, daily dedication to the God-given role of parent rather than simply provider. Her last words to one couple could have come straight from the Bible: “Remember, you’re in charge – the pair of you. Keep at it!”

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