The last thing any distributor wants to hear is a room full of critics laughing – when the film they are marketing is not a comedy. Such was the fate of Twilight at the screening I attended.

Twilight is based on the first book in the internationally best-selling series by Stephanie Meyer about a romance between a teenage girl and a repentant vampire. In it, Bella Swan (Kristen Stewart), a teenage girl from a broken home in sunny Phoenix, moves to stay with her father in the sodden township of Forks. There she meets and falls in love with the adorable Edward Cullen (Robert Pattinson). Their relationship has some rocky ground to negotiate, not the least of which is the revelation that Edward is an ancient creature of the night. However, the arrival in town of more, less enamored vampires soon demonstrates where his loyalties lie.

Meyer’s description of the vampires in her book is of a race of incredibly beautiful people with preternaturally pale skin. They possess all sorts of advantages for luring victims to them, including irresistible voices, dazzling eyes and alluring scents. Since so much of their effect is conveyed by listening to Bella’s thoughts, it was always going to be interesting to see how this translated to the more visual medium of cinema. Sadly, the answer is ‘Not well’.

Each of the vampire characters was greeted with repressed giggles. Someone had clearly interpreted ‘pale’ as ‘pancake’. The figures that glided on to the screen looked like refugees from the silent features of the last century. Worse, their lips sported deep red lipsticks and their eyebrows were darkened with mascara, so that they more resembled fans of The Cure than creatures of the night. Furthermore, it appears that the only way the producers could think of making good looking actors look extraordinarily good looking was to give them big hair. To be honest, Robert Smith would have appeared normal next to this collection of pretty-boy Goths.

Meyer’s books have presented a fresh vision of vampires that might actually be useful to the Christian faith – a novel thought, I’ll admit – but their on-screen counterparts haven’t progressed much further than The Lost Boys of the ‘80s. Their appearance is so thoroughly distracting that you need the entire two hours of the feature to get back into the story.

Like the book, the film presents vampirism as something more like addictive behaviour, which the hero, Edward, is trying desperately to combat. In that context, Bella’s love for him is the love of the Beauty for the Beast. Her love will remain with him, even though he is at times quite unlovely. And, like the book, an eternal life with Edward is so valuable that Bella is willing to trade the world, even her own life to attain it.

The problem is that these sentiments, which might be used to reflect the love of God, and the very real choice facing every Christian, are overwhelmed by the fairly standard Hollywood morals. Love is constantly interpreted as a reason for doing the stupidest things. Twilight the film, presents it as the ultimate reason for doing the unreasonable. “I’m a killer. I’m the world’s most dangerous predator,” Edward warns Bella. “I don’t care. I trust you,” Bella replies. “Don’t,” he warns, but Bella is just gazing into his eyes. The book urges caution and Bella develops her response over time; the film just gives in to the ‘need’. “I don’t have the strength to stay away from you,” Edward says. “Then don’t,” Bella replies. Not surprisingly, the sexual elements of the film are a lot stronger than those of the book.

For many Christians, deciding whether or not to see this film will be as simple as hearing that it’s plot involves vampires. Fair enough. For others, particularly teens, the vampire has become something of a modern day dissident, like the James Dean figures of a previous generation. It is helpful that the heroine isn’t a rebel without a cause. She is prepared to trade peace, public opinion and ultimately her life for a love that will literally last forever.

BELLA: “I know what I want – I want to be with you forever.”
EDWARD: “Isn’t it enough to spend a long happy life with me?”

No, Edward. Once you know where eternal happiness can be found, then this life will never be enough.